Oh hey whats up, setback?
Back in Proctor 2 as inpatient. I don't even have level 2 yet so I cant go outside all weekend. I don't know how long I'll be here this time, but even though I am disappointed, I feel safe here.
I thought my meds were working. I truly believed I was getting better and that I would never need to come back here again, then, my meds turned on me unexpectedly and I ended up with a drug rash covering most of my legs, chest, and arms. I've had drug rashes before, so having it happen again was a trigger in all meanings of the word. I flipped. I wanted to die. I went through four frozen oranges to try to ground myself so I wouldn't dissociate. All of that combined made them send me back to the unit. I know it was the right decision, and it's not like I was kicked out and cant go back. They're even holding my bed and my food so when I do go back, it will be as if I never left.
More than being disappointed in my meds, I am disappointed in myself. I thought I could handle this, but I guess things can happen and I wont be able to control my reaction to them. Happens to everyone, right? .... right?
I'm not allowing myself to go back to the WTP until I am ONE HUNDRED percent sure that my meds are stable, and my mind is as well. I hope my insurance agrees with me so I'm not shipped out of here too soon, and then sent back as soon as something else goes wrong. I want to get better. I need to get better. I WILL get better, and then I will never look back.
